The Conservative Soldier

I am watching the Popemobile on television as it makes it way down a Washington street lined with devout Catholics and other interested onlookers.

This non-aerodynamic vehicle amuses me greatly. It also motivates my curiosity:

Why is it bullet- and bomb-proof? Isn’t the Pope supposed to be unafraid of the afterlife? When he gets there, won’t there be a nice reunion and, perhaps, a lovely buffet? “A man of peace has to be protected like the Mona Lisa,” Dennis Miller just joked during his radio show, “yet (Iranian dictator Mahmoud) Ahmadinejad comes to New York and jumps in a cab!”

The Vatican insists on Alitalia as its official airline for Papal travel, even though the carrier is close to going out of business. A nod to supporting an Italian brand, mind you. Yet, the Popemobile’s glass cage is mounted on a Mercedes-Benz SUV chassis. Why not transport the Pope atop a cool Ferrari? Or a Fiat?

We know for sure it is equipped with at least one very large airbag, do we not?

Americans rushed to own Hummers when Hollywood celebs begain driving them as their gas-guzzlers of choice. Will we soon see suburban moms terrorizing the residential streets behind the wheels of modified Popemobiles? They can perch their perfect, well-mannered children or over-groomed pets in the rear pod for all the world to see. Think how easy it would be to transport impulse furniture buys!

Is there a TV show in Rome called, “Pope My Ride”?

Can I bid on eBay for a certified, pre-blessed Popemobile?

I am going to keep pondering the Popemobile. It is hilarious. We all need a laugh these days.

Finally, if Barack Obama is elected President, I suggest he be driven around in a Dopemobile.

Thanks, folks, I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.